Tuesday, June 07, 2005
a few laughs...
Now what I want to know is WHY was Chris laughing hysterically when he read this?! HUH, WHY?!LOL!
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: “Floor 1 - These men have jobs.”
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: “Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.”
The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?”
And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: “Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm, better.” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: “Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.” “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: “Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me! But just think what must be awaiting me further on?”
So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: “Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.”
************
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glasswindow.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,“Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. To which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”
************
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my moneyto the church, would I get into heaven?” I asked the children in my SundaySchool class.
“No!” the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neatand tidy, would I get into heaven?”
Again, the answer was, “No!”
“Well,” I continued, “then how can I get to heaven?”
A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!
”**********
My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommie, who toldyou how to drive?”
**********
(Again...Chris laughed long and hard at this one...why, I ask you?!;)
There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
**********
(And for those of you who read here to the end...my all time favorite joke yet! It's hilarious I think, and I can *actually* remember this one to tel lit to others! My kids think it's funny too.)
Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual Pessimistic thinking.
The Optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water.
His plan?
Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.
They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist brought down a duck.
The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”
The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?”
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: “Floor 1 - These men have jobs.”
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, “Well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads: “Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.”
The woman remarks to herself, “That’s great, but I wonder what’s further up?”
And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads: “Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm, better.” she says. “But I wonder what’s upstairs?”
The fourth floor sign reads: “Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.” “Wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!” And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads: “Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me! But just think what must be awaiting me further on?”
So up to the sixth floor she goes. The sixth floor sign reads: “Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.”
************
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glasswindow.
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said,“Please, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me.”
The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn’t realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. To which the driver replied, “I’m sorry, it’s really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.”
************
“If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my moneyto the church, would I get into heaven?” I asked the children in my SundaySchool class.
“No!” the children all answered.
“If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neatand tidy, would I get into heaven?”
Again, the answer was, “No!”
“Well,” I continued, “then how can I get to heaven?”
A five-year-old boy shouted out, “You gotta be dead!
”**********
My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommie, who toldyou how to drive?”
**********
(Again...Chris laughed long and hard at this one...why, I ask you?!;)
There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
**********
(And for those of you who read here to the end...my all time favorite joke yet! It's hilarious I think, and I can *actually* remember this one to tel lit to others! My kids think it's funny too.)
Two friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist, could never quite agree on any topic of discussion.
One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his continual Pessimistic thinking.
The Optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water.
His plan?
Take the Pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat.
They got out into the middle of the lake, and the Optimist brought down a duck.
The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck, and walked back to the boat.
The Optimist looked at his Pessimistic friend and said, “What do you think about that?”
The Pessimist replied, “That dog can’t swim, can he?”
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