Sunday, October 02, 2005
the Pearls & NGJ Ministries...
I guess I've been pretty sheltered... Because before I saw the advertisement in my TOS mag. a few months ago for CTBHHM (initially thinking "wow, great!"), and then caught wind of 'em online, I'd never heard of the Pearls... LOL! In my 4 yrs. of homeschooling in 3 different states, and being involved with the Church and homeschooling community for 11 yrs. now, I've never heard a peep about them, nor their materials. Seems weird now that I've run into so MANY opinions of late.
I most recently have found Catez Stevens's latest post, in which she analyzes the most basic doctrines of the Pearls' teachings, to be quite interesting. These faulty doctrines (read the article, and linked resources) are naturally, found at the heart of their teachings. What a blessing she is, THANK YOU Catez! The following quote from her article sums up so much of my own sentiments, and explains beautifully the reasons for my own deep uneasiness as I've been reading the Pearls' materials of late, and following the discussions. Well done.
**excerpt
***When some-one claims to have the truth that no-one else within orthodox Christianity has, I get a warning bell. Particularly so when the teaching is a combination of historical errors and false doctrine. While churches differ on some doctrine, there are basic truths upon which we agree. And there is a good reason why, across all our different denominations, we are not being taught certain things. It is my assessment that the Pearls are teaching error on essential basic doctrine. ***
Here is the article in its entirety; Michael and Debi Pearl's No Greater Joy Ministries: A Look at the Basics
****************************************************************
Also, Sandi had mentioned in a comment to Sparrow that she wasn't seeing what my prior post, concerning my sister's story, has to do with the book, Created to be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl. Sparrow gave her ample response, but I figured that since it concerned my post, I should/could add my 2 cents, which is probably just the long way around of saying what Sparrow already said herself.
So, I've attempted here to clarify, for those who may be wondering. For those who aren't, excuse me please, while I kick this dead dog.:-)
*****************
Hi Sparrow, Sandi...
Thanks for linking my sister's story Sparrow, may it be a testimony God can use. Sparrow you've done a great job of summing up exactly why I do think that her story relates to this book. Key word, RELATES.
Sandi, I in no way have implied that it is to fault for, nor had directly influenced my sister's case...Yet, it certainly could be the cause of women wrongfully staying in abusive situations NOW, next week, or next year, that they shouldn't be in. It could have certainly confused her futher had she read it (though she probably would have actually been too repulsed to finish it). But that is my concern, and reason for thanking Spunky for speaking up, and thereby doing the same myself... Just to get the word out there that the Pearls don't have the "Final word" on this! kwim? If you have not known a woman who's been abused like this for years, you may not realize that leaving is already a daunting thought, an "impossible" option, and ironically it usually doesn't take much to convince them to stay (they convince themselves even, over and over again, and usually their husband's abuse just changes forms, goes through its cycles, they get used to it, and it seems easiest to stay).
As with the book, if one reads the article, "Abusive Husband" from the Pearls' NGJ website, a discerning spirit will detect that there is certainly this undercurrent throughout it that is *very* legalistic, and basicly implies that if even an abused woman ever were to leave her husband, then she just basicly has sold herself short, given up on God and will regret it later, will most likely lose her kids to Satan, (afterall, they've heard it 100's of times) etc., etc. NEVER once is there any reference to acknowledging the FACT that abuse IS Biblical grounds for divorce, or room given to the FACT that a covenant, by it's very nature, can be broken (an "unconditional" covenant is an oxymoron) and that if a woman has ALREADY tried various channels of help, waited on the Lord, trusting for His intervention, and yet the abuse remains, that HE will eventually (or possibly has been trying to already) most likely tell her to DIVORCE.
Because of a lack of God's revelation knowledge concerning the truth about marriage covenants, submission, and women in Scripture, women who have been physically and mentally abused by their husbands are counseled by well-meaning pastors, or older women, to remain in those abusive relationships, and to be submissive in every way. They are told (by the Pearls and others like them) that, if they will fully submit to their husbands, God will cause the husbands to realize they are doing wrong and therefore will stop their abusive behavior (or God will kill the husband). Now, I know of some miraculous situations and testimonies of God's totally transforming once abusive men into new creations, and their wives choosing to "ride out the storm". And that's great, and to God goes all the glory! But those women felt led to stay, and their husbands were responding to God, but it's not a mandate, nor should it be a precedent that all abused women should be made to feel that they have to uphold (as the Pearls do most obviously intone). That just wrongfully sets all the blame and guilt squarely back upon these womens' shoulders, and a new sense of hopelessness and fear that they're not *DOING* something right if it *doesn't work*. There were ladies at church who thought my sister was wrong for divorcing, even with two broken ribs and some horror stories I wouldn't share here, and a history of consistent abuse for 10 yrs. Their answer for her, "Just seperate for as long as you need to dear...but don't you dare get a divorce, God hates it you know..."??> whatever! What about the sin that causes the divorce? God hates it! Blind legalism will make people say and recommend really stupid stuff.
But as to what you mentioned Sandi, this book and my sis's story... How do they relate?
Does one really think that God would expect more from one of us (to keep a broken covenant) than He Himself would/does do. *sighs* This topic gets me terribly riled, which is why I've basicly just been listening thus far, because YES, in this particular area CTBHHM does have everything to do with this subject, and my sister's story. No, this book wasn't around 10, 8, 5, or even 2 yrs. ago to effect my sister's decision to stay married. But this legalistic mentality was. And her suffering was multiplied by it. The Pearls' faulty doctrine (in numerous ways!) is just so dangerous, b/c it brings such bondage to so many women (and domestic violence is reportedly nearly as rampant in the church as in the world). Because God knows our sinfulness, He does not make unconditional or unbreakable covenants with man. Therefore, who are we as sinful man, to even consider that the covenants we make with each other (in this case, marriage), are indissolvable or unbreakable because of unsurpassing violations by the other party? Covenants are conditional; that is why they are called "covenants" because they contain provisions to protect the party of the agreement who do not violate the covenant.
Aaah, but this begins to get to the heart of the matter for the Pearls, doesn't it? They don't believe that a woman should EVER divorce her husband. In that "Abusive Husband" article, they recommend that the abused wife "just call the authorities and have him put away for 10-20 yrs., and then the kids will be safely raised and out of the house by the time he gets out, and you can be waiting with open arms..." Yeah, RIGHT! Whatever?! This is laughable, and just plain ignorant! They don't put abusive husbands away that easily, and certainly not for that long! Believe me, we know. My sis went through all kinds of legal hassles, and had to play hard-ball, telling all, just to get what she did, full custody of her kids. But that's just as well now, as she didn't really want him in jail for 10-20 yrs. anyways. She just wanted to get her kids, and leave, and that's OKAY! But I'd dare say the Pearls would think she's punked out, and that's why this story is relevant! Should she have stayed, knowing she could have died already? NO. Could she have realistically had him put away for 10-20 yrs. NO. He had a lawyer too. So, then what? "Anger Management" doesn't work. Marriage Counseling doesn't work. Most programs for batterers have only about a 5% success rate.
Anyways, my long-winded point here I guess is simply to clarify that the connection I saw between my sister's story and CTBHHM is rooted somewhere in the fact that it was this type of legalisticly idealogical teaching, and perceptions of my own that I struggled with, and God had to walk me through during those first 9 yrs. of my sister's "marriage", before I could even be of any real, where the rubber meets the road (the action required eventually, after the years of praying) help to my sister. I've come face to face in CTBHHM and NGJ Ministries with these same traditional misconceptions and misguided mental trappings which so bogged me down spiritually that I could not better help my sister sooner... But God, in His faithfulness, freed me and her. And even after God, in His Mercy made a very clear way of escape for her - her two ribs broken (which she found to be quite symbolic, think about it)- my sister, husband and I then still came up against the condemning workings of this same legalistic dogma from some well-meaning Christians (thankfully her counselor was not one of them), and it's not only hurtful and potentially deadly to these women in very real danger, I think it's also an afront to God Himself.
"The thief (incorrect teaching) comes not except that he may steal (be treacherous, deceive, get rid of imperceptibly), kill (slaughter, tear to pieces), and destroy utterly (ruin, lay to waste, make to fall untimely, make to perish, make to lose body and soul). I (Jesus) come that they may be able to hold fast to life (ie., all the quality of life God can give)." ~ John 10.10
Satan's perversion of truth (in all it's various packages) has corrupted one of God's greatest principles and thereby has robbed untold numbers of His children and has kept them in bondage of guilt and condemnation for too long already.
blessings in Him,
Beth
*********************************
My sister recommends;
NO PLACE FOR ABUSE
Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence
By Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark
About the Book
Domestic violence is a leading cause of injury and death to women worldwide. One in five women around the globe is physically or sexually abused in her lifetime, and gender violence causes more death and disability among women aged 15 to 44 than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents or war. Regrettably, the church is not immune to this problem; some studies suggest that incident rates of domestic violence among active churchgoers are not much lower than those among the general populace.
Representing the International Task Force on Abuse, formed under the auspices of the Women's Commission of the World Evangelical Fellowship, Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark have listened to the voices of women from around the world and especially to those within the church. Now they help us hear their cries and find concrete ways to respond so that no home will be a place of abuse.
In this immensely helpful guide you'll find:
********************************************************************
Also Recommended (per Catez, and I've pasted them here from her blog -in case you missed any of them- since I've also found them to be very helpful resources to me, in sorting all this out.):
Review: To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl - Allthings2all
Review: Created To Be His HelpMeet, Part 1 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 2 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 3 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 4 - Spunky Homeschool
On the Pearls and Parenting - Tulip Girl
Pearls Po-Russki - Tulip Girl
Christian Families on the Edge - Rachel Ramer, Christian Research Institute
I most recently have found Catez Stevens's latest post, in which she analyzes the most basic doctrines of the Pearls' teachings, to be quite interesting. These faulty doctrines (read the article, and linked resources) are naturally, found at the heart of their teachings. What a blessing she is, THANK YOU Catez! The following quote from her article sums up so much of my own sentiments, and explains beautifully the reasons for my own deep uneasiness as I've been reading the Pearls' materials of late, and following the discussions. Well done.
**excerpt
***When some-one claims to have the truth that no-one else within orthodox Christianity has, I get a warning bell. Particularly so when the teaching is a combination of historical errors and false doctrine. While churches differ on some doctrine, there are basic truths upon which we agree. And there is a good reason why, across all our different denominations, we are not being taught certain things. It is my assessment that the Pearls are teaching error on essential basic doctrine. ***
Here is the article in its entirety; Michael and Debi Pearl's No Greater Joy Ministries: A Look at the Basics
****************************************************************
Also, Sandi had mentioned in a comment to Sparrow that she wasn't seeing what my prior post, concerning my sister's story, has to do with the book, Created to be His Helpmeet, by Debi Pearl. Sparrow gave her ample response, but I figured that since it concerned my post, I should/could add my 2 cents, which is probably just the long way around of saying what Sparrow already said herself.
So, I've attempted here to clarify, for those who may be wondering. For those who aren't, excuse me please, while I kick this dead dog.:-)*****************
Hi Sparrow, Sandi...
Thanks for linking my sister's story Sparrow, may it be a testimony God can use. Sparrow you've done a great job of summing up exactly why I do think that her story relates to this book. Key word, RELATES.
Sandi, I in no way have implied that it is to fault for, nor had directly influenced my sister's case...Yet, it certainly could be the cause of women wrongfully staying in abusive situations NOW, next week, or next year, that they shouldn't be in. It could have certainly confused her futher had she read it (though she probably would have actually been too repulsed to finish it). But that is my concern, and reason for thanking Spunky for speaking up, and thereby doing the same myself... Just to get the word out there that the Pearls don't have the "Final word" on this! kwim? If you have not known a woman who's been abused like this for years, you may not realize that leaving is already a daunting thought, an "impossible" option, and ironically it usually doesn't take much to convince them to stay (they convince themselves even, over and over again, and usually their husband's abuse just changes forms, goes through its cycles, they get used to it, and it seems easiest to stay).
As with the book, if one reads the article, "Abusive Husband" from the Pearls' NGJ website, a discerning spirit will detect that there is certainly this undercurrent throughout it that is *very* legalistic, and basicly implies that if even an abused woman ever were to leave her husband, then she just basicly has sold herself short, given up on God and will regret it later, will most likely lose her kids to Satan, (afterall, they've heard it 100's of times) etc., etc. NEVER once is there any reference to acknowledging the FACT that abuse IS Biblical grounds for divorce, or room given to the FACT that a covenant, by it's very nature, can be broken (an "unconditional" covenant is an oxymoron) and that if a woman has ALREADY tried various channels of help, waited on the Lord, trusting for His intervention, and yet the abuse remains, that HE will eventually (or possibly has been trying to already) most likely tell her to DIVORCE.
Because of a lack of God's revelation knowledge concerning the truth about marriage covenants, submission, and women in Scripture, women who have been physically and mentally abused by their husbands are counseled by well-meaning pastors, or older women, to remain in those abusive relationships, and to be submissive in every way. They are told (by the Pearls and others like them) that, if they will fully submit to their husbands, God will cause the husbands to realize they are doing wrong and therefore will stop their abusive behavior (or God will kill the husband). Now, I know of some miraculous situations and testimonies of God's totally transforming once abusive men into new creations, and their wives choosing to "ride out the storm". And that's great, and to God goes all the glory! But those women felt led to stay, and their husbands were responding to God, but it's not a mandate, nor should it be a precedent that all abused women should be made to feel that they have to uphold (as the Pearls do most obviously intone). That just wrongfully sets all the blame and guilt squarely back upon these womens' shoulders, and a new sense of hopelessness and fear that they're not *DOING* something right if it *doesn't work*. There were ladies at church who thought my sister was wrong for divorcing, even with two broken ribs and some horror stories I wouldn't share here, and a history of consistent abuse for 10 yrs. Their answer for her, "Just seperate for as long as you need to dear...but don't you dare get a divorce, God hates it you know..."??> whatever! What about the sin that causes the divorce? God hates it! Blind legalism will make people say and recommend really stupid stuff.
But as to what you mentioned Sandi, this book and my sis's story... How do they relate?
Does one really think that God would expect more from one of us (to keep a broken covenant) than He Himself would/does do. *sighs* This topic gets me terribly riled, which is why I've basicly just been listening thus far, because YES, in this particular area CTBHHM does have everything to do with this subject, and my sister's story. No, this book wasn't around 10, 8, 5, or even 2 yrs. ago to effect my sister's decision to stay married. But this legalistic mentality was. And her suffering was multiplied by it. The Pearls' faulty doctrine (in numerous ways!) is just so dangerous, b/c it brings such bondage to so many women (and domestic violence is reportedly nearly as rampant in the church as in the world). Because God knows our sinfulness, He does not make unconditional or unbreakable covenants with man. Therefore, who are we as sinful man, to even consider that the covenants we make with each other (in this case, marriage), are indissolvable or unbreakable because of unsurpassing violations by the other party? Covenants are conditional; that is why they are called "covenants" because they contain provisions to protect the party of the agreement who do not violate the covenant.
Aaah, but this begins to get to the heart of the matter for the Pearls, doesn't it? They don't believe that a woman should EVER divorce her husband. In that "Abusive Husband" article, they recommend that the abused wife "just call the authorities and have him put away for 10-20 yrs., and then the kids will be safely raised and out of the house by the time he gets out, and you can be waiting with open arms..." Yeah, RIGHT! Whatever?! This is laughable, and just plain ignorant! They don't put abusive husbands away that easily, and certainly not for that long! Believe me, we know. My sis went through all kinds of legal hassles, and had to play hard-ball, telling all, just to get what she did, full custody of her kids. But that's just as well now, as she didn't really want him in jail for 10-20 yrs. anyways. She just wanted to get her kids, and leave, and that's OKAY! But I'd dare say the Pearls would think she's punked out, and that's why this story is relevant! Should she have stayed, knowing she could have died already? NO. Could she have realistically had him put away for 10-20 yrs. NO. He had a lawyer too. So, then what? "Anger Management" doesn't work. Marriage Counseling doesn't work. Most programs for batterers have only about a 5% success rate.
Anyways, my long-winded point here I guess is simply to clarify that the connection I saw between my sister's story and CTBHHM is rooted somewhere in the fact that it was this type of legalisticly idealogical teaching, and perceptions of my own that I struggled with, and God had to walk me through during those first 9 yrs. of my sister's "marriage", before I could even be of any real, where the rubber meets the road (the action required eventually, after the years of praying) help to my sister. I've come face to face in CTBHHM and NGJ Ministries with these same traditional misconceptions and misguided mental trappings which so bogged me down spiritually that I could not better help my sister sooner... But God, in His faithfulness, freed me and her. And even after God, in His Mercy made a very clear way of escape for her - her two ribs broken (which she found to be quite symbolic, think about it)- my sister, husband and I then still came up against the condemning workings of this same legalistic dogma from some well-meaning Christians (thankfully her counselor was not one of them), and it's not only hurtful and potentially deadly to these women in very real danger, I think it's also an afront to God Himself.
"The thief (incorrect teaching) comes not except that he may steal (be treacherous, deceive, get rid of imperceptibly), kill (slaughter, tear to pieces), and destroy utterly (ruin, lay to waste, make to fall untimely, make to perish, make to lose body and soul). I (Jesus) come that they may be able to hold fast to life (ie., all the quality of life God can give)." ~ John 10.10
Satan's perversion of truth (in all it's various packages) has corrupted one of God's greatest principles and thereby has robbed untold numbers of His children and has kept them in bondage of guilt and condemnation for too long already.
blessings in Him,
Beth
*********************************
My sister recommends;
NO PLACE FOR ABUSE
Biblical & Practical Resources to Counteract Domestic Violence
By Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark
About the Book
Domestic violence is a leading cause of injury and death to women worldwide. One in five women around the globe is physically or sexually abused in her lifetime, and gender violence causes more death and disability among women aged 15 to 44 than cancer, malaria, traffic accidents or war. Regrettably, the church is not immune to this problem; some studies suggest that incident rates of domestic violence among active churchgoers are not much lower than those among the general populace.
Representing the International Task Force on Abuse, formed under the auspices of the Women's Commission of the World Evangelical Fellowship, Catherine Clark Kroeger and Nancy Nason-Clark have listened to the voices of women from around the world and especially to those within the church. Now they help us hear their cries and find concrete ways to respond so that no home will be a place of abuse.
In this immensely helpful guide you'll find:
- true stories and statistics that illustrate the gravity and extent of the domestic violence
- a look at what Scripture says about domestic violence, including verbal abuse and patterns of concealment, secrecy and silence
- a discussion of how proper concerns for Christian families can be twisted to endanger women and their children
- an assessment of alternatives to suffering in silence in a threatening environment
- practical tools for pastors and other counselors for interviewing abuse victims and perpetrators
- outlines for sermons, Bible studies and youth group activities that address the problem of domestic violence
********************************************************************
Also Recommended (per Catez, and I've pasted them here from her blog -in case you missed any of them- since I've also found them to be very helpful resources to me, in sorting all this out.):
Review: To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl - Allthings2all
Review: Created To Be His HelpMeet, Part 1 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 2 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 3 - Spunky Homeschool
Part 4 - Spunky Homeschool
On the Pearls and Parenting - Tulip Girl
Pearls Po-Russki - Tulip Girl
Christian Families on the Edge - Rachel Ramer, Christian Research Institute
Comments:
<< Home
Thanks for posting your sister's story and countering the "practical" examples Debi Pearl gave in her book. Why is it always up to the wife to make things work? Yes, she needs to do her part, but until the man is in submission to Christ and fulfilling his part of the marriage covenant it cannot be a "heavenly" marriage. It can improve, but it won't be what God wants it to be.
I also wanted to say it was really sweet what you posted about your son and daughter. You seem like a really neat family!
I also wanted to say it was really sweet what you posted about your son and daughter. You seem like a really neat family!
Hi Beth! I didn't know you had another blog. I put you up on my links today, and I'll try to get your homeschoolblog on mine this week.
I really appreciate you. You've been so encouraging to me, always, but especially during this *Pearl* time. Thanks. :)
Post a Comment
I really appreciate you. You've been so encouraging to me, always, but especially during this *Pearl* time. Thanks. :)
# posted by 
: 10:47 PM
: 10:47 PM << Home
|
|
