Saturday, October 15, 2005
Family Responsibilities
With interest, I've listened in on many good intelligent conversations and debates over the whole issue of giving an allowance to one's children... and how to grow a strong work ethic. For years, Chris and I thought we'd never simply give our kids an allowance, because we didn't want to breed a lazy, give-me, expecting something for nothing welfare mentality in our kids. And we still don't just *give* them one. But I'll never forget one perspective I eventually heard a couple of years ago, someone put it this way, "Well, your husband expects to get paid when he goes to work, and if he does a good job, he expects to eventually get a raise... But going to work is something he has to do every day, it's not just an 'extra' job. It's a necessary daily responsibility for a man to earn a living. And then he must work out a balanced budget from that money he's earned, be it what it may." (paraphrased by Beth)
Hmmm... that got me/us thinking... When we plant a garden, our payment is in the crop, as well as in the pure satisfaction of a job well done. Our kids do have basic around the house responsibilities that they need to fulfill daily, as all kids should. And we're trying to help them along in the task of learning to take pride in doing good work, not only for earthly gain, but as unto the Lord as well... And we also want them to discover the simple sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes when one learns to enjoy their daily tasks for their own sakes, for the very intrinsic values found within them. This applies to not only "chores", which I like to refer to as "the domestic arts", but also to other handiworks which we are learning and applying ourselves to.
We've seen our kids take great satisfaction in knowing that they're contributing valuable assets to the family. Even after they've moaned or groaned about doing something, they usually end up having such a joyful demeanor once they're doing it (especially when we come along side eachother, working together), or I've heard them excitedly bragging to others about "their jobs". They're also ever-growing in their capacities to understand how their own actions, be they neglectful or diligent, do effect eachother within a family, and then within a community. We're praying that they continue to grow in their caring about and attention paid to these principles, as they mature.
I've pasted below a post I made here back in February, concerning a *system* we set up for chores, jobs, allowance, offerings and such. Below this original post I've included an update on how it's turned out.
****************************************************************
Well, I thought I'd post what we're starting here at our house w/Nathan & Tabitha; a chore chart each, and the rules of the house posted for them to see -we've been using the "21 Rules of this House" chart by Greg Harris for a couple of years, as a reference. Our kids have enjoyed it, and it's worked well for us, pretty basic. It's shown here; http://www.fortifyingthefamily.com/21_rules.htm
What we're doing here is they're getting a set amount of money for allowance each week, but whenever we've discovered a chore not done, have to correct a lousy attitude concerning their chores or schoolwork, or they break any "rules of the house"- they get a set amt. of $ docked from their allowance....if they go all week w/no $ being docked, ie;fulfill all their responsibilites w/a good attitude, then we're adding an extra $1 to their allowance at the end of the week.
Also, they'll sometimes have opportunity to earn extra $ by doing extra bigger jobs besides their every day responsibilities. For instance, Nathan recently helped Chris do alot of labor intensive clean up outside, moving bricks wheel barrow by wheel barrow full, it took a couple of long days for him to complete.
Nathan & Tabitha both are saving up their money in the bank. I got an extra bank register for each of them to keep track of their own savings with....if they spend some we'll deduct it, and add it in as they earn it. That seemed easiest and most convenient for keeping track of it all as we don't always have the cash handy when a job's done. Tabitha's saving for a *real* horse (if she doesn't give it all away first! ;-) She's esp. generous w/her offerings), and Nathan's saving for a certain gun (I forget what it's called-designed esp. for little guys like him).
But we've stopped buying them little treats here and there all the time (yes, this was/is hard for us, as we are such pushovers:), reminding them that they now have their own money if they *really want* this or that item....LOL, funny how now these little dollar store items and wal-mart toys aren't so appealing every time we go....;-) But we want them to experience the satisfaction of wanting something, and having to work hard for it, discipline themselves to save up their own money, and setting and reaching those goals themselves.
So, here's their daily chores in no particular order;
Both Nathan & Tabitha: Brush teeth, get dressed(duh! but they need reminding, and this should help w/initiative)
Make beds/ Clean their rooms
Feed ferrets (they alternate days on these) Nathan does the ferret's water bottle daily
Clean ferret litter (it takes both of them, one holding the bag and the other scooping)
Clean living room
Schoolwork, and put their own supplies up when finished!
Get the mail- alternating days
Help Mom sort, wash and fold laundry
Cooking - they both love to cook/work w/me in the kitchen
Gardening - we'll be planting in the Spring, and they're each planning to have their own little gardens, so the responsibilities involved w/that will be added in soon.
Tabitha: Cleans & sets the table for meals
Waters plants (per her request;-)
Unloads the dishwasher (she puts up the silverware, and puts dishes on counter under the cabinets they belong in, this has made putting them up SO much quicker for me, BIG help!)
Sweeps-each day & mops- 1x/wk. or so (her idea-she's been eager to use *Mom's* mop) dining room & kitchen floors
Vaccuums her own room
Cleans her bedroom
Nathan: Takes Samson (our 90 lb. pup) out each morning, and feeds and waters him. Then lets him out of his pen an hour or so later, and plays outside with him for awhile before bringing him back inside.
Cooks breakfast often (per his request, eggs over-easy and pancakes are his specialty-w/no help from Mom, except that I'm awake!)
Trash out daily (take big can to the road 1x/wk. and bring back the next day)
Loads the dishwasher (this has been great for me, and he actually asked for this one!;-)
Vaccuums his room, our bed room and LR
Puppy pooper scooper! *fun, fun* ;-)
Cleans his bedroom
And that's about it, besides extra jobs and seasonal work!
***************************************************************
Well, the above system worked great for the few months that we actually were able to do it. But a short time after we'd instituted the above system, Chris lost his job and with the interim period and then his new job(s), we've come upon some extremely tight financial times again. SO, that's meant no more extra $ for the kids to have an allowance. They have been extremely understanding of this, and haven't once complained about it, nor even given the slightest implications of begrudgery (is that a word?) over their own resulting "financial setbacks". *Heh!* But they still have the same responsibilities as before, and they're still accomplishing them with sweet spirits, for the most part.
It's just been back to the "normal", before allowance, days.
Nathan has since changed his mind concerning what he's saving up his $ for. He's almost got enough saved up for the fancy dirt bike he's already picked out. He's even offered his services to our elderly neighbors, who really liked the idea of having extra help around their own place.
Also, both Nathan and Tabitha have really been getting alot of satisfaction out of accomplishing their memory work goals in the AWANAS Bible program they've attended this year and last. In this program, they are rewarded each week with their teachers' signing them off per page/unit accomplished, earning ribbons, pins, promotions, etc. The knowledge that one's going to be receiving a tangible benefit/promotion from accomplishing a task that takes alot of real effort is just priceless, and in our estimation truly reflects reality in a very concrete way. Children are such concrete thinkers, and the more abstract principles and reasonings for having a good work ethic are I'm certain forming within them. Right now, the very real concept that there are consequences for their actions, and that consistently working hard at something has its rewards, is being reinforced weekly. And what's more, they're so excited about memorizing the Bible! gotta love it.
Tabitha still gets excited about mopping the floor, but they've been OVER the newness of doing the dishes on their own for quite awhile now. They do a great job of it though, regardless of the *agony* involved...
And their laundry folding skills have improved ALOT over the year.
We're also planning to let the kids *adopt* a child through Home of Refuge, which is a Christian orphanage run by people that friends of ours know personally. They will support their special child with money they've earned, as an offering. The kids really want to do this, as do we, and it will I think enable them to experience a whole new dimension of responsibility, as someone else will be depending upon them (besides their pets waiting for din-din;-) each month.
So, one thing I've learned is that our system and teaching methods are ever a work in progress and subject to change according to our kids' needs, our own thoughts and convictions as well as whatever is going on and will actually work in our lives during a given season. FLEXIBILITY is my motto!
I'd love to hear your thoughts, and what works for your family?
Hmmm... that got me/us thinking... When we plant a garden, our payment is in the crop, as well as in the pure satisfaction of a job well done. Our kids do have basic around the house responsibilities that they need to fulfill daily, as all kids should. And we're trying to help them along in the task of learning to take pride in doing good work, not only for earthly gain, but as unto the Lord as well... And we also want them to discover the simple sense of purpose and fulfillment that comes when one learns to enjoy their daily tasks for their own sakes, for the very intrinsic values found within them. This applies to not only "chores", which I like to refer to as "the domestic arts", but also to other handiworks which we are learning and applying ourselves to.
We've seen our kids take great satisfaction in knowing that they're contributing valuable assets to the family. Even after they've moaned or groaned about doing something, they usually end up having such a joyful demeanor once they're doing it (especially when we come along side eachother, working together), or I've heard them excitedly bragging to others about "their jobs". They're also ever-growing in their capacities to understand how their own actions, be they neglectful or diligent, do effect eachother within a family, and then within a community. We're praying that they continue to grow in their caring about and attention paid to these principles, as they mature.
I've pasted below a post I made here back in February, concerning a *system* we set up for chores, jobs, allowance, offerings and such. Below this original post I've included an update on how it's turned out.
****************************************************************
Well, I thought I'd post what we're starting here at our house w/Nathan & Tabitha; a chore chart each, and the rules of the house posted for them to see -we've been using the "21 Rules of this House" chart by Greg Harris for a couple of years, as a reference. Our kids have enjoyed it, and it's worked well for us, pretty basic. It's shown here; http://www.fortifyingthefamily.com/21_rules.htm
What we're doing here is they're getting a set amount of money for allowance each week, but whenever we've discovered a chore not done, have to correct a lousy attitude concerning their chores or schoolwork, or they break any "rules of the house"- they get a set amt. of $ docked from their allowance....if they go all week w/no $ being docked, ie;fulfill all their responsibilites w/a good attitude, then we're adding an extra $1 to their allowance at the end of the week.
Also, they'll sometimes have opportunity to earn extra $ by doing extra bigger jobs besides their every day responsibilities. For instance, Nathan recently helped Chris do alot of labor intensive clean up outside, moving bricks wheel barrow by wheel barrow full, it took a couple of long days for him to complete.
Nathan & Tabitha both are saving up their money in the bank. I got an extra bank register for each of them to keep track of their own savings with....if they spend some we'll deduct it, and add it in as they earn it. That seemed easiest and most convenient for keeping track of it all as we don't always have the cash handy when a job's done. Tabitha's saving for a *real* horse (if she doesn't give it all away first! ;-) She's esp. generous w/her offerings), and Nathan's saving for a certain gun (I forget what it's called-designed esp. for little guys like him).
But we've stopped buying them little treats here and there all the time (yes, this was/is hard for us, as we are such pushovers:), reminding them that they now have their own money if they *really want* this or that item....LOL, funny how now these little dollar store items and wal-mart toys aren't so appealing every time we go....;-) But we want them to experience the satisfaction of wanting something, and having to work hard for it, discipline themselves to save up their own money, and setting and reaching those goals themselves.
So, here's their daily chores in no particular order;
Both Nathan & Tabitha: Brush teeth, get dressed(duh! but they need reminding, and this should help w/initiative)
Make beds/ Clean their rooms
Feed ferrets (they alternate days on these) Nathan does the ferret's water bottle daily
Clean ferret litter (it takes both of them, one holding the bag and the other scooping)
Clean living room
Schoolwork, and put their own supplies up when finished!
Get the mail- alternating days
Help Mom sort, wash and fold laundry
Cooking - they both love to cook/work w/me in the kitchen
Gardening - we'll be planting in the Spring, and they're each planning to have their own little gardens, so the responsibilities involved w/that will be added in soon.
Tabitha: Cleans & sets the table for meals
Waters plants (per her request;-)
Unloads the dishwasher (she puts up the silverware, and puts dishes on counter under the cabinets they belong in, this has made putting them up SO much quicker for me, BIG help!)
Sweeps-each day & mops- 1x/wk. or so (her idea-she's been eager to use *Mom's* mop) dining room & kitchen floors
Vaccuums her own room
Cleans her bedroom
Nathan: Takes Samson (our 90 lb. pup) out each morning, and feeds and waters him. Then lets him out of his pen an hour or so later, and plays outside with him for awhile before bringing him back inside.
Cooks breakfast often (per his request, eggs over-easy and pancakes are his specialty-w/no help from Mom, except that I'm awake!)
Trash out daily (take big can to the road 1x/wk. and bring back the next day)
Loads the dishwasher (this has been great for me, and he actually asked for this one!;-)
Vaccuums his room, our bed room and LR
Puppy pooper scooper! *fun, fun* ;-)
Cleans his bedroom
And that's about it, besides extra jobs and seasonal work!
***************************************************************
Well, the above system worked great for the few months that we actually were able to do it. But a short time after we'd instituted the above system, Chris lost his job and with the interim period and then his new job(s), we've come upon some extremely tight financial times again. SO, that's meant no more extra $ for the kids to have an allowance. They have been extremely understanding of this, and haven't once complained about it, nor even given the slightest implications of begrudgery (is that a word?) over their own resulting "financial setbacks". *Heh!* But they still have the same responsibilities as before, and they're still accomplishing them with sweet spirits, for the most part.
It's just been back to the "normal", before allowance, days. Nathan has since changed his mind concerning what he's saving up his $ for. He's almost got enough saved up for the fancy dirt bike he's already picked out. He's even offered his services to our elderly neighbors, who really liked the idea of having extra help around their own place.
Also, both Nathan and Tabitha have really been getting alot of satisfaction out of accomplishing their memory work goals in the AWANAS Bible program they've attended this year and last. In this program, they are rewarded each week with their teachers' signing them off per page/unit accomplished, earning ribbons, pins, promotions, etc. The knowledge that one's going to be receiving a tangible benefit/promotion from accomplishing a task that takes alot of real effort is just priceless, and in our estimation truly reflects reality in a very concrete way. Children are such concrete thinkers, and the more abstract principles and reasonings for having a good work ethic are I'm certain forming within them. Right now, the very real concept that there are consequences for their actions, and that consistently working hard at something has its rewards, is being reinforced weekly. And what's more, they're so excited about memorizing the Bible! gotta love it.
Tabitha still gets excited about mopping the floor, but they've been OVER the newness of doing the dishes on their own for quite awhile now. They do a great job of it though, regardless of the *agony* involved...
And their laundry folding skills have improved ALOT over the year.
We're also planning to let the kids *adopt* a child through Home of Refuge, which is a Christian orphanage run by people that friends of ours know personally. They will support their special child with money they've earned, as an offering. The kids really want to do this, as do we, and it will I think enable them to experience a whole new dimension of responsibility, as someone else will be depending upon them (besides their pets waiting for din-din;-) each month.
So, one thing I've learned is that our system and teaching methods are ever a work in progress and subject to change according to our kids' needs, our own thoughts and convictions as well as whatever is going on and will actually work in our lives during a given season. FLEXIBILITY is my motto!
I'd love to hear your thoughts, and what works for your family?
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