Monday, October 31, 2005
What a story!
Last weekend I started reading Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. I've never read any of her books before this. I just finished it this morning... stayed up all night reading it. I could hardly put it down last night, to go to bed finally - at 4:30 a.m.! I'd tried earlier, but couldn't sleep!
Thought I'd finish it, but my eyes started crossing. So, I slept in until 10 a.m. this morning and have been enjoying my coffee tremendously today. 
*sighs* But I don't even feel too tired really. Just so warmed by that story and the hope it so resonates with.
A friend had placed it in my hands a couple of weeks ago, exclaiming how wonderfully powerful the story is, and how it had changed her so. Yesterday when I was at Tabitha's dance class, with book in hand, two different ladies stopped me when they saw the book (one I know, my age, another lady in her 50's that I don't know), exclaiming "Isn't that a wonderful book?! Doesn't it just rip your heart out? How can you close it?! Where are you?"
I wept throughout, stopping numerous times just to think, pray and take it all in, as well as let some stuff out that came to the surface in me. It starts out so dark and tragic. It's stirred some deep and long buried emotions within me, longings and hurts, unexpectantly spotlighting within my soul some ongoing personal struggles, denials and even forsaken hope... It's ushered me to my knees in humble prayer, and reminded me how thankful I am for my own Hosea of a husband, and has challenged me to love him more freely.
I wrestled with this fear for years... that used to just close in on me. I thought I'd never be able to be the wife my husband deserves, nor to give him the love and support he truly needs and longs for. I've feared that I was just too broken from the start, too empty...depleted. And those fears would paralyze me. But over the years, I've seen God miraculously healing me through my husband's faithful love, his unmerited acceptance and constant forgiveness. He's been our Heavenly Father's tool for my soulish restoration in so many ways. I know that I can trust him...both my husband, and my God.
So, here's a truth, a faltering of my faith that I so wrestled with for years. It closed me up to Chris more than I care to admit... I used to resent him for wanting what I perceived to be too much from me, though he never pressured me...he just always held out this hope that we'd share more, that I'd open up to him more, be more affectionate, really learn to love him, unselfishly and with abandon... Now, I'm so thankful for his hope, which eventually lit a flame of hope within me as well that has brought tremendous healing and intimacy between us.
I can endure my own despair, but not another's hope.
~William Walsh
Of all base passions, fear is most accurs'd.
~Shakespeare
That thought so resonated with me... But this week my Redeemer has shaken me up, and He's reminded me that in HIM, all things are possible. I feel like He's having me take account of a work He's been doing in me for the past 10.5 years of our marriage... and I PRAISE Him! *sighs* Yep, I'm feelin' a bit emotional right now, can ya tell? It's been a particularly emotional week for me this week...don't remember the last time I've cried this much, pitiful I am!
Think I'll go re-read the book of Hosea now.
His Spirit has wooed me through this reading... I love HIM. How Glorious is our Redeemer!!
In author Francine River's beloved book Redeeming Love, the biblical love story of Gomer and Hosea is retold in a tale set against the exciting backdrop of the California Gold Rush. The heroine, Angel, is a young woman who was sold into prostitution as a child. Michael Hosea is the godly man sent into Angel's life to draw her into the Savior's redeeming love.
Thought I'd finish it, but my eyes started crossing. So, I slept in until 10 a.m. this morning and have been enjoying my coffee tremendously today. *sighs* But I don't even feel too tired really. Just so warmed by that story and the hope it so resonates with.A friend had placed it in my hands a couple of weeks ago, exclaiming how wonderfully powerful the story is, and how it had changed her so. Yesterday when I was at Tabitha's dance class, with book in hand, two different ladies stopped me when they saw the book (one I know, my age, another lady in her 50's that I don't know), exclaiming "Isn't that a wonderful book?! Doesn't it just rip your heart out? How can you close it?! Where are you?"
I wept throughout, stopping numerous times just to think, pray and take it all in, as well as let some stuff out that came to the surface in me. It starts out so dark and tragic. It's stirred some deep and long buried emotions within me, longings and hurts, unexpectantly spotlighting within my soul some ongoing personal struggles, denials and even forsaken hope... It's ushered me to my knees in humble prayer, and reminded me how thankful I am for my own Hosea of a husband, and has challenged me to love him more freely.
I wrestled with this fear for years... that used to just close in on me. I thought I'd never be able to be the wife my husband deserves, nor to give him the love and support he truly needs and longs for. I've feared that I was just too broken from the start, too empty...depleted. And those fears would paralyze me. But over the years, I've seen God miraculously healing me through my husband's faithful love, his unmerited acceptance and constant forgiveness. He's been our Heavenly Father's tool for my soulish restoration in so many ways. I know that I can trust him...both my husband, and my God.
So, here's a truth, a faltering of my faith that I so wrestled with for years. It closed me up to Chris more than I care to admit... I used to resent him for wanting what I perceived to be too much from me, though he never pressured me...he just always held out this hope that we'd share more, that I'd open up to him more, be more affectionate, really learn to love him, unselfishly and with abandon... Now, I'm so thankful for his hope, which eventually lit a flame of hope within me as well that has brought tremendous healing and intimacy between us.
I can endure my own despair, but not another's hope.
~William Walsh
Of all base passions, fear is most accurs'd.
~Shakespeare
That thought so resonated with me... But this week my Redeemer has shaken me up, and He's reminded me that in HIM, all things are possible. I feel like He's having me take account of a work He's been doing in me for the past 10.5 years of our marriage... and I PRAISE Him! *sighs* Yep, I'm feelin' a bit emotional right now, can ya tell? It's been a particularly emotional week for me this week...don't remember the last time I've cried this much, pitiful I am!
Think I'll go re-read the book of Hosea now.His Spirit has wooed me through this reading... I love HIM. How Glorious is our Redeemer!!
But now, thus says the LORD,
your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you,
O Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!"
~Isaiah 43.1
your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you,
O Israel: "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!"
~Isaiah 43.1
Come, let us return to the Lord;
for he has torn, that he may heal us;
he has stricken, and he will bind us up.
~Hosea 6.1
for he has torn, that he may heal us;
he has stricken, and he will bind us up.
~Hosea 6.1
In author Francine River's beloved book Redeeming Love, the biblical love story of Gomer and Hosea is retold in a tale set against the exciting backdrop of the California Gold Rush. The heroine, Angel, is a young woman who was sold into prostitution as a child. Michael Hosea is the godly man sent into Angel's life to draw her into the Savior's redeeming love.
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